Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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