He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
