Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
