Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
