She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
