is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
