I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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