He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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