She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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