So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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