is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
