I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
