Tell her she can't have a vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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