if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
