YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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