he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
