It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
