I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
