at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They have beer where we have blood.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
