Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
