dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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