I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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