Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
