mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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