Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
