Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
