I just pynch a tree in the face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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