I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
