and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
