if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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