He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
