i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
