I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
