apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
