So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
