Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
