i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
