Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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