I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
