so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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