I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
