the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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