there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
