the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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