i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
