I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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