Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
