What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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