i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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