Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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