Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
