Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Are we still banned from the library?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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