thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
