is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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