Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this just has baby written all over it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
