if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
